Meatloaf



Cory was notorious for sticking his hands in his pants during French class and to fondle himself. He may have thought that no one was watching but everyone was. He would then proceed to sniff his fingers nonchalantly after gratifying himself. Everyone was quite sickened at the sight. Cory graduated from high school to become a chef for his alma mater.

One day Cory decided that it would be most delicious to create a masterpiece of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Cory went to the clattering industrial fridge to find a bucket of ground hamburger. He lumbered the bucket to the prep table where it rested with a loud thud. It was customary to wear gloves for food prep but Cory loved the feeling of raw meat between his fingers and the lasting smell it created under his fingernails. With a splat he threw a big wad of brownish grey flesh on the work surface. He rubbed the meat between his fingers, enjoying the wet sensation. He squished and squashed and only wished he could run his toes in it as well. Carelessly he added spices, a dash of this a dash of that. He worked his meat like there was no tomorrow. Finally, he was done. He pulled out a crusty old loaf pan and with a loud splat he threw the meatloaf into the pan. What a glorious masterpiece he thought. Mmmmm this would be so good.

Garrett shares what is either a brilliant verbal diptych, or a terrible, terrible pun. Either way, don't resist the urge to go wash your hands -- just stop before they start to bleed.

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